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2023 Week Five Recap

Five weeks down, which means we are only two weeks away from the much-anticipated mid-season awards. Hike up your big boys pants because the next two weeks are vital in showcasing your teams to earn these awards. This week was big for the standings. Two teams earned their first win to "technically" keep their playoff chances alive and a few teams who had nice starts are stacking up losses to bring those cellar teams back in the mix. Quick reminder, y'all voted with your money to play in another year of this illustrious league. Which means you also agreed to the bylaws that are set in place. I've heard of some grotesque comments about the commissioner and want to point out section E5, article M4, line A9 in the bylaws that states the commish has the ability to sanction managers for inappropriate comments about the league or certain individuals who run the league. Just saying.

Alright, fuck y'all, here we go.


The Bye Week - Team that wins with the biggest points margin of victory

Jared, won by 76.36pts

It's nice to see Justin's name not on this for the first time in a month. A couple blowouts this week but none bigger than Jared taking down Ryan. Yes, we all know Ryan's team is garbage after injuries to Rodgers and Ekeler (now SQB). Najee is who we thought he was, a bum. And his big name guys just have not been able to produce. That is fantasy for you. Meanwhile has Jared turned a corner after starting 0-4? Coming off a big week, but now faces a healthy Commish team to keep his season alive.

Records going into week six with the extra wins added. Nick: 7-3 Spencer: 7-3

Justin: 7-3 Jared: 3-7 Jere: 2-8 Nathan: 9-1

Worzie: 7-3 Commish:4-6 Probst: 4-6 Ryan: 1-9


Justin, De'Vone Achane - 21.50pts

After keeping this stallion on the bench during his breakout weeks, Justin mustered the courage to start Achane and it paid off as he continued his strong start. Achane was on pace for one of the most efficient running back seasons in nearly a decade. I say 'was' because he unfortunately has found himself on IR with a knee injury, which still hasn't been diagnosed. Achane propelled Justin to a win over Commish who had half his team on bye and two other guys injured, explanation not an excuse. A win is a win.


Ryan, Marvin Mims - -.60pts

Marvin Mims is an interesting player to watch right now. No one really gives a shit about him because he's buried on the depth chart of a terrible team but he has shown that he can be an absolute weapon when given the chance. While Mims ended with a negative point total there is a strong possibility he sees a mid-to-late season surge due to a strong possibility of both Jeudy and Sutton being traded before the deadline. This would open the door for Mims to see 80% or more of snaps on a weekly basis.


Nick, George Pickens

While the Steelers offense has been anemic this year, Pickens has been the one consistent positive for this team. Pickens should be seeing 15 targets a game if the Steelers want to score points. In a close matchup between Nick and Worzie, this was the game-changing play that sealed the win for Nick. A 41-yard TD pass worth 11.1pts.


The shift has started.

1) LBJ = GOAT ▲1: Only undefeated team, but just lost Jefferson and Connor to IR.

2) Me & Mahomies ▼1: Slips down a spot, but has a chance to recapture the top spot this week.

3) Romo's Revenge --: Steady at 4-1.

4) Goodell 2.0 --: Looks to bounce back off back-to-back losses. A- team though.

5) Aiyuken ▲2: Two straight wins after an 0-3 start. Back in the mix.

6) Bed, Bath & Bijan ▼1: Another pretender?

7) Skyy's Out, Thighs Out ▼1: Confirmed pretender.

8) Mutant Njigba Turtles ▲1: Big win but may have come too late.

9) Hall of Shame ▲1: 198pts to catch his first win. Also might be too late.

10) Mile High Magic▼2: Not sure I've seen a worse roster.


Nathan (5-0) vs Worzie (4-1)

This game will have a serious effect on the South division. If Nathan wins, he will take a two-game lead as we near the halfway point of the season. Losing Jefferson and Connor will be a big blow to this team, especially as we head into by weeks. Nathan's bench is not great. Worzie will look to take advantage of a weakened opponent this week, should he do so, he will have the head-to-head tiebreaker and take over first place in the South.

Commish finished with another 4-1 record, bringing his overall total to 13-7.

Week Six Predictions

Commish vs. Jared: Commish Justin vs. Jere: Jere Ryan vs. Spencer: Spencer Probst vs. Nick: Probst Nathan vs Worzie: Worzie


MVP - Team with the single highest scoring starter

Big numbers from individual players recently. Jamarr Chase with 52 this week, CMC with 48 last week, Achane with 51 in week 3. 45 and up may be the magic number this week. Miami plays an awful Panthers team this week, I'm feeling a big Waddle game is due. Maybe commish can win a payout for the first time since 2021.

Good luck to everyone in week 6. Except you Jared, welcome to the fucking show. My Chargers will end your season under the Monday night bright lights. Bolt up bitches.

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