COVER UP TOP. RECAP BELOW.
Benjamin Franklin. Joey Chestnut. Commissioner Goodell 2.0. Those are the names that are synonymous with American greats. I'm not sitting here asking to put my face on a new dollar bill, they probably should, but all I ask is for recognition for running another fantasy draft without a single hiccup. Some said the smoothest ever. Not my words, theirs. While single-handily prepping, executing, and participating in this draft, I happened to have auto-drafted a TE in the middle rounds. Hand up, I should of had players in my queue but it's unreasonable to have that expectation knowing the time commitment it takes to run an operation as I do. Anyways, I've been instructed I should not speak any further on this matter, per my council, we have no further comment at this time.
I wrote last year, "That may have been the longest offseason ever. Not in a literal sense, just the fact that I’ve been waiting for another shot at having an actual first-round pick that is useful for me." Color me fucking shocked because once again, my first-round pick in 2021 ended up getting hurt and sending my season into an endless spiral of shit. Yet, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that this cruel world will finally shine its light on me and protect Dalvin Cook from the inevitable injury in the coming weeks.
This draft recap will include something new this year, Commish Draft Grades, sometimes you have to shake shit up like a strong margarita. Always shaken, never stirred. My grades do not come with an explanation, because I shouldn't have to explain myself to justify the grade I give.
Best Value, Early Rounds
RYAN, JUJU SMITH-SCHUSTER (5.03)
Going behind guys like Allen Robinson, both Jerry Jeudy and Courtland Sutton as well as Brandin Cooks, JuJu has the ultimate upside that no other WR can compete with. An elite QB with explosive-play potential, 340 vacated targets and 2748 vacated air yards. Those targets and air yards have to go to someone and while KC scooped up MVS and Skyy Moore, Juju sits atop the depth chart with the potential to unlock career highs in all categories. As long as Mahomes can keep his brother, Jackson, and Juju away from collabing weekly TikTok dances on team logos and player memorials, a top 5 WR finish is a potential outcome.
Worst Value, Early Rounds
JERE, J.K. DOBBINS (4.06)
The runner-up was another pick of my father's but I'll save the roast just in case I am wrong on that one. J.K. Dobbins though? This has bust written all over it. It always sounds like a great idea taking the projected starting running back on one of the heaviest run-first teams in the league. Unfortunately, the true starting running back for the Ravens happens to be Lamar Jackson who has led the team in rushing attempts 3 of his 4 years starting. I don't see this changing as the Ravens will continue to use a committee-based backfield. To make matters worse, Lamar happened to slip up in his press conference today, stating that he hopes J.K. can be back with the team in a couple of weeks. Weeks. With the additions of Mike Davis and Kenyan Drake, this backfield is one to avoid - unless you have the RB1 of course, Lamar.
Best Value, Mid Rounds
NATHAN, CHRISTIAN KIRK (8.09)
Last year, I had Corey Davis in this spot but he unfortunately couldn't stay healthy and Wilson couldn't stop throwing it to the other team. Now, I know what you're thinking, didn't Trevor Lawerence have arguably a worse year as a passer than Wilson? Technically, yes, but let's pin that on Urban Meyer fucking everything up as well as DJ Chark and Etienne being injured. Truth is, Trevor has to step up big time for Kirk's value to pay off but should he, Kirk has elite upside. Kirk was one of the best slot receivers last year and will continue to slide into the slot in Jacksonville which happens to be the position T-Law loves to throw to and has seen the most success with - Note: Amari Rodgers at Clemson.
Worst Value, Mid Rounds
COMMISH, DAWSON KNOX (6.07)
REDACTED ON THE ADVICE OF MY LAWYERS.
Best Value, Late Rounds
PROBST, MICHAEL GALLUP (12.03)
I struggled to make a clear selection for this award but when taking all the factors into consideration, Gallup made the most sense. Although he has been working his way back from an injury, he will immediately slide into the WR2 role with Dallas where additional targets have become available due to the departure of Cooper. If healthy, he should see a high percentage of snaps and with all eyes on CeeDee, Gallup could end up being a 1,000yd WR. That would be fantastic value for a 12th-round pick where others around that spot are rookies fighting for snaps, backup/handcuff RB selections or veteran WRs with questions at QB or offensive stability in general.
Worst Value, Late Rounds
SPENCER, TYLER ALLGEIER (12.01)
Taking a flyer deep in a draft on a rookie RB for keeper potential can always provide some upside. The issue I have with this pick is that there were many better options to choose before taking Allgeier. Guys like:
Melvin Gordon - a fucking bum, but hell, I'm taking him before Allgeier. Yes, I know Spencer also rosters Javonte Williams but the bum will still get his share of snaps and is the handcuff should Williams go down.
Kahlil Herbert - Handcuff to Montgomery and will see the field in a regular rotation.
Kenneth Gainwell - Hate Philly's backfield but again, will see the field in a regular rotation.
J.D. Mckissic - Same as the two above.
Raheem Mostert - Same as the three above.
Now, this really started because Spencer took 7 WRs in a row from rounds 5-11 and needed an RB. This should have reinforced that he did not have the RB depth rostered to take a deep flyer on Allgeier. He sits behind a firm two-headed backfield with Patterson and Wiliams and should one of those go down with an injury, I'm still not sure he will get snaps worthy of a flex play. I anticipate he gets dropped early in the season in favor of an RB that can provide more value when needed.
Late Edit: $20 weekly payouts are back, with one additional week for week 14.
WEEK 1: Chicks Dig the Long Ball - Team with the QB with the longest pass
WEEK 2: Best Loser - Team that loses their weekly matchup with the highest point total
WEEK 3: Run Forrest Run! - Team with the RB with the most combined rushing and receiving yard
WEEK 4: Sweet 16 - Team with any starting TE that finished closest to 16 total points (over or under)
WEEK 5: The Bye Week - Team that wins with the biggest points margin of victory
WEEK 6: MVP - Team with the single highest scoring starter
WEEK 7: Blackjack - Team with a starter closest to 21 points without going over
WEEK 8: North vs South Rivalry Week - Team that scores the highest points in their division AND wins their weekly matchup. Pays $20 to both the North and South team
WEEK 9: Over Achiever - Team with most points over their weekly projection
WEEK10: Gotta Catch ‘Em All - Team with the starting WR with the most receptions
WEEK 11: Pursuit Drill - Team that has the defense with the most combined interceptions, fumbles and sacks
WEEK 12: Touchdown Jerry Rice! - The team with the most offensive touchdowns scored
WEEK 13: Right on the Money - Team closest to their projected point total (over OR under)
WEEK 14: Photo Finish - Team that beats its opponent by the smallest margin of victory
Should there be any ties, the people who tied can agree to split the cash or find a different way to declare a winner.
Commish Draft Grades
Does not take keepers into evaluation.
Good luck in week one, bitches. Except you, Probst. I'm 1-0 against you in PIG and I expect to be 1-0 against you this week when all said and done. Bolt up.