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2022 Week One Recap

It's good to be back. Wild week of football to say the least. Seattle is the only team to win in the NFC West, no one won in the AFC South, and the three quarterbacks with the least valuable passing stat lines in week one were the 2021 NFL MVP and both Super Bowl LVI starting QBs. In the least surprising news, my seventh round autodrafted TE pretty much costed me a win in the first week, the irony continues to build. Etienne dropping that TD pass hits a little different now. Shoutout though, Probst ended up playing his perfect optimal lineup, because naturally the one time it will happen this season is against me.

Enough fucking around, let's get right into.


Probst, Lamar Jackson - 55yds

Probst snags the W but also finds himself a nice $20 bill with the Jets losing track of Bateman and a dime from Lamar from 55 yards away. Look, I don't want to keep harping on this whole .22 loss thing, but let it be known that Mike Davis fumbled the play before this and the fumble ended up going 2 yards forward. This should have been 57 yards, maybe 58, for Bateman (My WR) and that's the difference between winning and losing. Just saying. Check out the TD to Bateman that won Probst his money.


Probst, Albert Okwuegbunam - 8.30pts

This start, while not flashy, is a perfect example of a "start of the week" candidate. Coming off the draft, Probst had Kittle ready to go. A tradition unlike any other, Kittle was injured in practice and unable to start this week. With a handful of choices available, Probst snagged one of the few options that scored him just enough to get the win. Small decisions like this turn into big wins which can make the difference between making and missing the playoffs.

Sorry, you're not getting a video of Albert O's catches because they were all boring as fuck and somehow I knew I was going to get dicked late in the fourth quarter. I will say, watching Russ and Broncos Coach Nathaniel Hackett absolutely butcher a two-minute drill against Seattle made it all worthwhile as a Chargers fan. My god that was brutal yet so satisfying to watch. Ryan somehow remained calm as I was watching the game with him, if that was the Chargers my remote would have gone through that TV screen.


Commish, Dawson Knox - 1.50pts

There were three players in starting linueps who had goose eggs this week, which has to be a new record. Can't fault people for playing their guys so I will spare them the walk of shame this week.

This is what happens when you setup a league in FAAB where the first set of waivers are not until Friday, after the Thursday night game. Yes, this means I did not have an option to play anyone else besides Knox unless I made a trade. Who would I have played instead? Well I picked up Njoku, so probably Njoku. Would it have made a difference? Njoku scored 1.7pts, some quick math tells me I still would have lost by .01 if there are no stat corrections. What a kick in the nuts that would have been. Hey, just for fun, let's watch Knox drop a ball that would have won me the week.


Nathan, Justin Jefferson

How do you lose track of Justin Jefferson at any point during the game? Savage and Amos, the GB safety duo, were nothing short of terrible at containing Jefferson throughout this contest and it led to over 39pts for the kid. Whether you want to take the King reference on the SI cover as 2x reigning MVP Rodgers or King Henry, Jefferson hit the griddy on both, giving Probst's Packers and Worzies fantasy team a loss to sit on.

Jefferson should have done more damage as he had a disgusting catch in the endzone where he was just out of bounds but let's watch the Packers defense fold one more time.




Ryan (0-1) vs Worzie (0-1)

We all know the statistics of making the playoffs if you start 0-2, and it is not favorable. One of these teams will fall to 0-2 by next week and I have provided my predictions below. I will keep track of this throughout the season - I expect to have over a 60% win rate.

Commish vs Justin: Commish Wins

Spencer vs Jere: Spencer Wins

Probst vs Nathan: Nathan Wins

Jared vs Nick: Jared Wins

Ryan vs Worzie: Worzie Wins


Best Loser - Team that loses their weekly matchup with the highest point total.

I'll take a flier and say that the weekly payout winner will come from the match of the week above. I expect both teams to finish with solid weeks due to matchups.

This week should start with some fireworks as two top AFC teams go head-to-head on Thursday Night Football. Chiefs will try to tame the Chargers in what should be one of the highest scoring games of the week.

Good luck to everyone in week 2. Except you Cheeno, happy birthday bitch but I'm coming for ya.

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