Y'all got a longer-than-usual read, so I'll keep it short and sweet. We're not going to address the loss the commish experienced, I will let Mr. R. Kelly below do the talking for me.
Let's get right into this bullshit because I'm tired, my fantasy team sucks, the chargers suck and this year should be redacted from the history books. How long until the 2023 season?
WEEK 7 PAYOUT WINNER - BLACKJACK
Jared, DeAndre Hopkins - 20.30pts
Congrats to Jared for his trade paying off immediate dividends, in the form of actual money. Hopkins came back looking exactly how we all expected him to; like he just got done with a 3-month PED cycle. Well done, super happy for you. Obviously.
START OF THE WEEK
Worzie, Tyler Boyd - 29.50pts
Coming off his best game of the year, Boyd is quietly putting together a terrific season for being the WR3 on his own team. Currently the WR17 on the season, Boyd is seeing an 80% snap count on a team that continues to pass the ball at a top-10 rate. He's been underrated most of his career and sits behind one of the best one-two punches in the league with Chase and Higgins. Don't be surprised to see Boyd stick around in the top 25 WRs moving forward.
BLUNDER OF THE WEEK
Jere, Drake London - 1.40pts
I haven't taken a peek at how many times my pops on the blunder list this year, but I feel like it's more than anyone else. Unfortunately, the committee just wasn't a fan of the London play this week. Atlanta has the second-lowest pass rate in the league. They run the third-fewest plays per game. Lastly, he hasn't scored double-digit points since week 3. What hurts the most is that if he would have played any of his other bench options, he would have won this week.
GAME-CHANGING PLAY OF THE WEEK
Juju Smith-Schuster 4th Quarter TD
Last week we touched on JuJu's breakout game and how he still remains one of the value picks in the first five rounds of the draft. He heard that shit and decided to back it up with a better performance. The best part is, the play you see below was the dagger that put Ryan over Justin in a back-and-forth weekly matchup.
WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS
1) LBJ = GOAT -- : Escaped with a narrow victory but slipping in the eyes of the Committee.
2) Mac & Chase -- : In control of the North division, looking to extend his lead.
3) Me & Mahomies -- : Will need to find a way to win without "Mahomies" this week.
4) Mile High Magic ▲1 : Four-game winning streak, continues to make his way back from an 0-3 start.
5) upHill Battle ▼1 : Tough schedule ahead, will need to prove to the Committee he's a contender.
6) Just Do It -- : Two-game skid, trying to bounce back against a top-tier team without Kelce.
7) Pay Me -- : With Zeke out, Pollard may shine in a matchup to stay in the playoff picture.
8) Oh Goed-ert Hurts -- : Will leaning on his WR's to come up big this week.
T-9) Goodell 2.0 -- : Dead.
T-9) Romo's Rebuilders ▲1 : Dead, but did move up in the power rankings.
MATCH-UP FOR WEEK 8
Spencer (3-4) vs Probst (3-4)
Your typical midseason matchup. Two sub .500 teams fighting their way to get into a playoff spot. Probst may end up losing Deebo this week which would be a big loss considering his bench is no deeper than your average sidewalk puddle. Spencer's roster as a whole just makes me flaccid though. Gun to my head, I'm taking Probst regardless of Deebo.
Big comeback week for me with a 4-1 record. Overall 15-15, back on track. Feeling good about my picks this week, too.
Commish vs. Jared: Jared
Spencer vs. Probst: Probst
Justin vs Worzie: Worzie
Nathan vs. Nick: Nathan
Ryan vs. Jere: Jere
FIFTH ANNUAL MID-SEASON AWARDS
Tumultuous meetings were had. Every committee member fighting for their guy with the utmost passion. These guys don't leave the room until everyone can come to a consensus. But, they always come through and they did once again. Congratulations to this year's recipients! You are all of the utmost deserving.
BEST KEEPER AWARD
Nathan, Joe Burrow
I still remember some words that were said years back by a highly intellectual person, "QB's are never worth keeping in fantasy". This just goes to show that even the most brilliant minds like Elon Musk, Trump, "Ye", Einstein, and this person who shall not be named, are not always right. As a 13th-round keeper, Burrow has shown his value by averaging just as much or more than the QBs who were drafted in rounds 3-5. With back-to-back 300+ yard and 4 touchdown games, he came from behind to steal this award from another deserving individual.
WORST KEEPER AWARD
Justin, Cam Akers
Justin has successfully defended this award after keeping Calvin Ridley last year and now Cam Akers. Ridley only played in 5 games during his 2021 campaign before sitting out due to personal reasons and then picking up a hobby that everyone else who doesn't play in the NFL takes part in, gambling. Cam Akers has also only played in 5 games this year and I don't see him taking another snap for the Rams again. Should he get traded, the potential for being a fantasy relevant running back is all but gone.
BEST NEW POTENTIAL KEEPER FOR 2022
Justin, Kenneth Walker III
Now comes the good news for Justin. Penny walked, or limped, so Walker could run. Kenneth Walker is the new kid on the block right now and has emerged as the up-and-coming running back to have. As a rookie, he's producing some eye-popping numbers via a Pete Carroll offense that loves to run the ball when they're not on the 2-yard line of the Super Bowl. Averaging over 6-yards per carry and finding the end zone in his last three games, Walker could be a suitable keeper moving forward.
BEST WAIVER CLAIM
Nick, Curtis Samuel
The committee submitted this with an asterisk and a note to go along with it that reads, "Due to the immense amount of waiver transaction trash, we threw a dart at a bunch of names and decided that was the selection." Seriously though, what the fuck. Between Jere and Spencer flooding the transactions page it was nearly impossible to select a suitable award winner. Samuel was one of the few transactions that have produced halfway decent numbers. Congrats on the award Nick, it will probably be the only thing you'll win this year.
WORST WAIVER FUCK UP
Spencer, Gus Edwards
Once again, after sifting through pages and pages of trash transactions. This is the only one that stood out. If you haven't caught on yet. Spencer is a big fan of picking up backup RBs from players who play in primetime games in hopes that one goes down with an injury so he has someone viable to plug into his shit team. Translation: he's rooting for injuries which is fucked up and might require sanctions. With JK Dobbins on IR, shocking, and Gus back healthy, Gus took the lead role for this running back squad and came up with two touchdowns in his first game back. I don't believe Gus will consistently be a player worth starting in fantasy but he could provide as a flex in those tough bye-week situations.
Just because I have to, here is the list of running backs Spencer has picked up and dropped from his team, some you probably never heard of: Tyler Allgeier, Jordan Mason, Tyler Allgeier again, Samaje Perine, Isiah Pacheco, Caleb Huntley, Kenneth Gainwell, Zamir White, Deon Jackson, Jerick Mckinnon, JD McKissic, Samaje Perine again, Gus Edwards (woof), DeeJay Dallas, Joshua Kelley, Kenneth Gainwell again, Mike Boone, Deon Jackson again, Kenyan Drake, Dontrell Hilliard, and finally, Kenyan Drake... again. That's just the running backs by the way.
BEST DRAFT PICK OF THE FIRST THREE ROUNDS
Justin, Travis Kelce
I've been told that this was by far the hardest consensus decision to make, with heated arguments for multiple players. As the smoke settled, it came down to a single metric, Value of Replacement Player. Kelce is averaging almost 5pts more per game than the TE2 on the season, and of the 10 players below him, he's averaging over 9pts more per game. Right now, Kelce is the most valuable player in fantasy and is stuck on a team that may not even see the post-season.
Honorable Mentions: Jared, Saquan Barkley & Probst, Nick Chubb
The committee would be remised if these two players did not get their honorable mentions recognized. Both SQB and Chubb, respectfully RB2 and RB3 on the season, have been producing consistent RB1 numbers almost every week. Both players were considered a risk by drafting but with risk comes reward. Shoutout to Jared and Probst for trusting their gut and finding a gem in the early second round.
WORST DRAFT PICK OF OF THE FIRST THREE ROUNDS
Justin, Najee Harris
Thankfully, the committee did not have to spend countless hours battling on this pick. It was unanimous within the first minute. Najee is a bust this year, no other word is needed. He is one of the least efficient ball carriers in the NFL and this actually goes back to last year as well. Averaging an abysmal 3.3ypc somehow significantly worse than his rookie season at 3.9ypc. It doesn't stop there though, take a look at the stats below:
I'm tired of the poor OL excuse. I'm tired of the nagging injury excuse. He's a bum and it's too bad the Steelers wasted a pick on him. Although I do love that Justin picked Najee out of spite from me because before the draft I said he should pick Diggs if he falls to him. If only my apartment rent was as cheap as the rent in Justin's head.
Honorable Mention: Nick, Kyle Pitts
One committee member made a strong case for Pitts to take this award home but due to him being a 3rd round pick, the case fell through. Pitts has been a fantasy bust in his own right, not because he's inefficient but because Atlanta refuses to get the ball to their two best playmakers in Pitts and Drake. Both top-10 NFL draft selections and already wasting their talents.
TEAM OVER .500 WITH THE BEST CHANCE TO MISS THE PLAYOFFS
After just losing a close matchup, Jere's team falls to 4-3 and could see his playoff window start to close with a tough schedule ahead. Losing Breece Hall for the season will only make it that much harder. He's struggled to pick the right RB's to start, he has yet to have a QB score over 20pts this year and hasn't had a 13pt QB since week three. Tyreek and Kupp have carried this team week after week and it will be a strong ask to see if those two can carry Jere to the playoffs.
TEAM UNDER .500 WITH THE BEST CHANCE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS
With three teams 3-4 and the other two 1-6, the options were narrowed. Of the 3-4 teams, all of them lost last week and two of the teams, including Justin, are on a two-game skid. The committee had to evaluate multiple factors: Strength of schedule, injury reports, upcoming bye weeks, power of current roster, and much more. Justin narrowly took home this award, his fifth of the evening. Trust me, I'm tired of typing his name but the committee is in control here. Justin currently has a 50pt lead on the "Points For" wildcard playoff tiebreaker and while that can change, the lead does matter at midseason. There is a good chance a sub-.500 team will make the playoffs with how lopsided the standings are.
MID-SEASON LVM (LEAST VALUABLE MANAGER)
I could just copy and paste the transaction piece I wrote above but I will spare you the list of names again. Spencer's draft strategy was interesting to say the least, opting to not take a WR in the first four rounds but then proceeding to draft all WRs in the 7 rounds after. While his playoff chances are still alive, his transactions are disturbing. He ended up with a defense that scored -1.25pts which I didn't know was possible and is currently on pace to average the least amount of points from his defense in league history, breaking his own record set in 2019.
MID-SEASON MVM (MOST VALUABLE MANAGER)
I, personally, was pretty upset when I saw this name come through on this card but I don't have a choice. The committee votes and I have to oblige. Four of his players, including two keepers, are top-5 in their positions for scoring. He's been without his third-round pick for most of the season. He nailed most of his early-round picks and found solid value in mid to late rounds. Also, he has the best record in the league right now. I'll leave you with one final statistic. The mid-season MVM has yet to win a championship. It's like winning the par-3 contest at the Masters. No one who wins this award will ever win the championship. So, congrats I'm happy for you, or sorry this happened... Not sure.
Congratulations to all those who won awards. For those who didn't, I have free movie rental gift certificates to Blockbuster that you can redeem, pick them up on the way out.
WEEK 8 WEEKLY PAYOUT
North vs South Rivalry Week - Team that scores the highest weekly points in their division AND wins their matchup. Pays $20 to both the North and South team
Rivalry week is here. North vs South. For some of you, this is worth more than bragging rights, you're competing against a team that is currently blocking you from a playoff spot. As always, shoutout to Commish for donating $20 out of his pocket to fund the second winner of this week's payout. Let the games begin.
Good luck to everyone this week, except you Jared. I have a couple of players who are looking to get revenge against their old manager who mentally abused them. I didn't say it, they did.