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2023 Week One Recap


They mocked. They laughed. They thought I was just feeling myself. Maybe I was wrong though. Maybe A- was shorting myself in the draft recap. I guess that was just me being humble. But I came right out the gate and busted my pops in the lip to go 1-0 (I'd never do that father, just for metaphorical purposes). I didn't want to do it, I had to do it. Yeah, I know, it's only one week. But this was a statement game, officially matching my win total from 2022. Shout out, only up from here.


My spirit is broken that I had to put Tyreek Hill on the image above. I hated it. I despised it. But as Commissioner, a habitual speaker of truth, who acts on those truths, it had to be done. Dallas's defense was the other option but fuck Dallas. Plus, Nick lost, so those points don't really mean shit. This recap will be unlike any other. It's a rampant grudge against players that I've wanted to drag through the dirt for a while. I just didn't think it would come this early in the season, lucky me.


Before we get into the good stuff, how about that new QB scoring, eh? Immediate impact felt, yet no matchups were decided by the new scoring. Two starting QBs finish with negative points, although I'll give Rodgers a pass since that may have been his last pass in the NFL, the other one I will touch on later. Who would have thought Mac Jones and Jordan Love would be two of the top 3 scorers?


This example I'm about to show you is why we implemented this. Player A: 24 of 37, 216 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 59 Rush, 1 Fum Lost Player B: 27 of 34, 177 Yards, 2 TD, 1 Rush Who had the better game for their team? Neither player had a stellar game and I personally dislike both these QBs but logically it would be the guy who was more efficient passing the ball and didn't turn it over twice to the other team.


Player A was Justin Fields Player B was Russell Wilson


In standard-scoring leagues, Fields outscored Russell while turning the ball over twice, and having close to 15% lower completions. In our league, Russell outscored Fields and rightfully so. More often than not, the QB who played better will end up with a better score.


Alright, let's get right into this, shall we?


WEEK 1 PAYOUT WINNER

Worzie, Tua Tagovailoa - 47yds

Ok, I don't have a choice here as I have to talk about Tua in a positive light since he won Worzie $20. Nice throw, Tua. Great job. My hot take of Tua outscoring Hurts this year is already coming to fruition as Tyreek and Waddle have created arguably the most dangerous WR core in NFL history. They're the fastest WR duo of all time and it's a nightmare to face them when McDaniel's is scheming Tyreek into full-sprint motions as a head start. It's nearly unguardable if Tua can stay upright. Nice Tua pick in the 15th round, Worzie. It's the reason you won this week.


START OF THE WEEK

Worzie, Evan Engram - 10.40pts

No one truly deserved a start of the week call-out, but this is what I landed on. The fact that Engram went as the 10th TE off the board surprised me. Fucking Dalton Schultz was drafted before him, my goodness. Just six rounds earlier, he drafted Kyle Pitts in the 5th. While I was higher on Engram this year, I was still surprised Worzie started Engram with the draft capital he threw at Pitts but it ended up being the right decision. Didn't make much of a difference in the matchup, but decisions like these can win or lose you weeks.


BLUNDER OF THE WEEK

Nathan, Joe Burrow - -1.82pts

Joe "Brrrrow" as they call him in Cincinnati just became the highest-paid player in the history of the NFL. Not to mention whoever's idea it was to make it official and have it try and take over the internet during the first minute of the first NFL game of this season should be fired. They probably thought it was cute and cheeky. I hated it, the internet hated it. What happened next? Burrow decided to trot his ass onto the field and live up to his nickname by being ice-fucking-cold for three and a half quarters. Myles Garrett is out there like prime Allen Iverson doing fake crossovers before the snap and Burrow's tiny wittle 9-inch hands couldn't grip the ball to make a throw. You're playing in Cinci, brother. Might want to figure that out pretty quick. Must be nice to be Nathan, neither his fantasy team nor his Jets need a quarterback to win.


GAME-CHANGING PLAYS OF THE WEEK

Justin, Josh Allen

The AFC QB Bashing Tour continues. Normally these are positive game-changing plays, but that will not be the case today. Justin who rosters Josh Allen was down 9pts going against James Cook on MNF. Josh had a nice start to the game throwing a TD to Diggs early on, bringing Justin within 2pts of taking the lead. False hope is all it was. With the Bills up 7 points going against a deflated Jets team with Zach Wilson at QB, he decided to play hero ball. Jordan Whitehead who intercepted Allen three times had more receptions from Allen than Gabe Davis did, taking away any chance Justin had of making a comeback. My favorite play from the evening was his fourth turnover, the closest thing we've seen to Mark Sanchez's infamous butt fumble.


Lean in here nice and close, I have something to tell you. *whispers* "Josh Allen is the most overrated QB in the NFL."


Josh is considered, almost unanimously, as a top-3 quarterback in the league. Since his breakout season in 2020, you consistently heard arguments that he was the 2nd best QB in the league and in the "Mahomes Tier". Absolutely no one is in the Mahomes Tier and you could build one of Elon's Gigafactories in between him and anyone else. Unfortunately for Josh, he's only regressed since 2020. Despite having a top defense every year since coming into the league, he's 4-4 in the playoffs. Those four wins were against Philip Rivers, Mac Jones, Skyler Thompson, and a Ravens team that scored a total of 3 points. He leads the league in turnovers since his rookie year and decided he should add to that total with four more on MNF. Incredible highs and more commonly miserable lows. I'll spare you the spewing of advanced analytics that support what I'm saying, but truthfully, he's one injury away from being the next Dante Culpepper.


THE LEAGUE POWER RANKINGS

LOADING... COMING AFTER WEEK THREE.


MATCH-UP FOR WEEK 2

Justin (0-1) vs Nathan (1-0)

Every 1-0 team against a 0-1 team this week. Imagine 5 teams starting 0-2. This match of the week features a rematch of the 2022 Championship. Bitter rivals who want nothing more than to bury each other in fantasy.


Commish's predictions are back, last year I went 40-25 and finished on an epic 18-2 run. Although I did follow that up with 0-5 in the playoffs. Not a curse, fake news.


Commish vs. Ryan: Commish Justin vs. Nathan: Justin Spencer vs. Nick: Spencer Jared vs. Probst: Probst Jere vs. Worzie: Jere


WEEK 2 WEEKLY PAYOUT

Best Loser - The team that loses their weekly matchup with the highest point total.

Week two is upon us. I hope to not be eligible for this payout but one loser will be. Last week it would have been Justin, this week I have a feeling it will be someone from the South.

Don't forget to put in your waivers tonight.


Good luck to everyone in week 2. Except you Ryan, I know you just lost Rodgers and are in the market for a new QB but I wouldn't be upset if Ekeler happened to sit this one out.




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