Week 13 was supposed to help clear the playoff picture up but I believe it made everything more confusing. Normally I would do a deep dive into playoff scenarios for everyone and yada yada but imma be honest, I don't have the time to do all that. With that being said here is your quick and dirty playoff scenario for week 14. Justin, Nathan and Ryan have all locked their playoff spots. Worzie has a 99% chance of making it and if your Jere, Nick or Jared, you all need to win and some additional help to get in. Spencer, you need a fuck ton of help besides winning.
As a reminder, the tiebreaker for division winners starts divisional record, then total points scored. For wild card teams, it goes right to total points scored.
Alright, now that the playoff picture is clear, let's get right into it.
WEEK 13 PAYOUT WINNER
Jared, 4.42pts
Congrats on getting smoked by your brother and putting yourself in a precarious position to make the playoffs! Here is $20 to make your day better. For someone who has been stacked at running back for the past 3 years, I find it hilarious Jared had to resort to Breida and Burkhead to lock up a playoff spot. That's arguably as bad as having to play Abdullah and Harris, sort of.
FACT OF THE WEEK
Ryan has five losses on the season and those are at an average of 2.84pts, which is pretty absurd. Additionally, he has eight wins by an average of 51.54pts. Both are league records that were previously held by... Ryan. Congrats on breaking your own records which will be almost impossible to improve on.
START OF THE WEEK
Spencer, Dallas Goedert
Spencer gets back-to-back SotW awards after playing Goedert over Knox for a massive 25pt improvement. Goedert would probably be a top 5 TE this year if Minshew was throwing the ball versus that running back they use at QB currently. Minshew slander won't be tolerated in this league as well, he's a goat.
BLUNDER OF THE WEEK
Commish, Entire Team
Look. It doesn't get much worse than this. Chances are someone could handpick a roster from the waiver wire and probably outscore me each week. Four guys scoring under 5pts is just laughable and naturally, I ended Thielen's season. Should anyone need someone to get injured, just let me roster them and there is a pretty good chance they go down.
HEARTBREAK OF THE WEEK
Nick was once 6-1 and Jared was once 6-2. The second half of the season hasn't gone so well for these two. Both had great chances to lock up their playoff spots with a win last week. Unfortunately, taking L's means they are fighting for a spot this week in a must-win situation. The best part is, they have to play each other this week which inevitably means one doesn't get the invite to the after party.
WEEK 12 POWER RANKINGS
1) Mile High Magic | 8-5 | -
2) LBJ = GOAT | 7-6 | -
3) Kamara Forever | 7-6 | -
4) Just Do It | 8-5 | ▲1
5) This is the Pitts | 7-6 | ▲1
6) Romo Returns | 7-6 | ▼2
7) Veto my Pito | 7-6 | -
8) Big Meaty Calves | 6-7 | -
9) I've Been Immunized | 4-9 | -
10) Goodell 2.0 | 4-9 | -
MATCH-UP FOR WEEK 14
Justin and Jere face off for the North Championship title and the first-round bye week. Justin has constantly stated that he has a defensive-minded team with only 1484pts scored against him. For reference, the next lowest points against are 1645pts which is Nick. Defensive teams crumble to good offenses and Jere is coming off a 149pt win.
Commish's Lucky 8-Ball Predictions: (16-14 overall)
Jere vs Justin: Jere Wins
Commish vs Ryan: Commish Wins
Jared vs Nick: Jared Wins
Worzie vs Probst: Worzie Wins
Spencer vs Nathan: Nathan Wins
WEEK 14 WEEKLY PAYOUT
Photo Finish - Team that beats its opponent by the smallest margin of victory
Neither myself nor Ryan will be eligible for this payout since I am anticipating he doubles my score this week. I'll make a prediction and say Jared beats Nick by 4pts and wins back-to-back payouts.
Good luck to everyone this week, except you Ryan. Bolt the fuck up.