2025 Week Nine Recap

Friendly reminder that the trade deadline is week 11. Don't ask me to give you a day or time, because I have no idea. Keeper says "Week 11". It could be on Tuesday of week 11, or it could be through week 11. I imagine we will get a pop-up reminder giving the details. Well, well, well, we finally had a trade accepted for the first time in nearly two years. It was great not having anyone blowing up my phone about collusion or tanking, so nice job. Let this be a great reminder that now is the time to try and improve your team. If you're sitting around .500, you're team isn't good. Stop overvaluing your players and start making deals. And while I am typically the most active during trades, why would I be the aggressor when my team is rolling? The locker room vibes are good here, no need to rock the boat. But, should anyone coming knocking, all my players are available for the right price; no player is safe from being traded.

I was kindly reminded by my wife (although I was rudely interrupted mid-sentence about my historic fantasy run) that our baby-on-the-way is currently the size of an avocado. Little does she know that kid may turn to guac if I don't win a championship this year. Sure, that humor may be aggressively dark on my part, but at this rate, my kid will win a championship before I do. Imagine telling your son that you've spent countless hours for nearly a decade, running the greatest league in North America, just for other teams to win every year. It's unacceptable.

Ok, before I ruin my marriage, let's get into it.

WEEK 9 PAYOUT WINNER North vs South Rivalry Week - Team that scores the highest points in their division AND wins their weekly matchup. Pays $20 to both the North and South teams

I mean, what the fuck, guys? Nick and Jon find a way to win while the rest of the North takes L's? DOES NO ONE WANT TO TAKE CONTROL? It's just disgusting how the North can sit around, looking at their lineups like an autistic kid trying to fit a square block through a round hole, and still one of them will end up with a bye. Maybe this is a sign that divisions should go away. I hate that idea so much, but what else am I supposed to do? It's unfair to the South that four dominant teams have to watch you fucking northerners fumble your way through this season, and one of these teams will have a playoff bye. Someone step the fuck up.

Anyways, Commish only has to payout $20 this week as he won, and so did Nick.

START OF THE WEEK

Ryan, Sam Darnold - 36.95pts

Ryan's team has gone from 1-9 to 7-11, a turnaround that no one expected. For those who do read my recaps, a couple of weeks ago, I said that Ryan's players are solid; they just haven't popped yet. Well, bad news for the rest of the league as the bubble popped, and Ryan's team is on the up and up. Picking up Sam Darnold was a smart play, as Bo Nix has had a roller-coaster fantasy season. Darnold ended up cooking the Commies on MNF to the tune of 37pts which vaulted him into a win before the first quarter was even over.

BLUNDER OF THE WEEK

Nick not starting Caleb Williams

This is what's wrong with this league; you sit here and let me dictate the narrative. My little fat fingers go click-click-click on a keyboard, and all of a sudden, lineups get changed. It's absolutely sickening that my rant on Caleb Williams pushed Nick to play Aaron Rodgers over Caleb when he was against the worst defense in the league in Cincinnati, or at least on par with the Cowboys. If you had a spine, you would spite my words and use them against me. Instead, you act like your hands are tied, wrapped up in my deafening sentences, then folding like the cuck chair you'd see in a North Portland Motel 6.

Caleb still sucks at football; go argue with a wall.

GAME-CHANGING PLAY OF THE WEEK

There wasn't one.

I sat here for nearly an hour trying to find something that made sense. No reason to try and force it when nothing is there.

THE LEAGUE POWER RANKINGS

1) Goodell 2.0: It's Commish, then nobody.

2) (Vacant)

3) Me & Mahomies: Down week, but locked into playoffs.

4) Meat Log: Fallen back into the mix.

5) LBJ = GOAT: There won't be a three-peat.

6) Aiyuken: Top of North, which still doesn't mean much.

7) Mile High Magic ▲2: Keeps climbing...

8) El Cap: El Cap's boat crashed. No me gusta.

9) PAC 2 Champion ▼1: Ass.

10) Footsteps Falco & Romo's Reckoning: Also ass.

MATCH-UP FOR WEEK 10

Nathan (9-9) vs. Ryan (7-11)

Updated since Cheeno's a bitch*

Week 10 Predictions

Commish went 2-3 in week nine, overall 24-16. 1 3

Commish vs. Probst: Commish

Spencer vs. Worzie: Worzie

Cheeno vs. Nick: Cheeno Jared vs. Jon: Jon Nathan vs. Ryan: Ryan

WEEK 10 WEEKLY PAYOUT

Pursuit Drill - Team that has the defense with the most combined interceptions, fumbles and sacks

Everyone has a solid chance at this, outside of Nick, who has only scored a total of 36pts from defense all year, an average of 4pts per week. Since week 4, his defense has combined for a total of 11.50pts. That's beyond terrible. An actual embarrassment to the league and our TV ratings.

Good luck to everyone in week 10, except you, Probst. Your fantasy world is spiraling into an epic collapse, and I look forward to contributing to that. Bolt up.